Happy Tuesday! Today we will be mourning my morning routine.
When I experienced my spiritual awakening, or whatever you want to call it, in 2020 I became the biggest morning person. Not only was I developing a yoga and meditation with a professional, I also had a therapist, was no longer commuting 45 min-an hour, and was taking 1-2 hour walks every night. This is why, despite the fear surrounding covid, I was finally feeling free. (I realize this is a privileged take)
This was from spring to fall, so I was soaking up every minute of the long summer days. It helped that my boyfriend that I live with reported for work at 6 am and he never stopped going in during the pandemic (it was a medical job) His alarm and kiss goodbye at 5:30 made it easy for me to wake up early and have these long beautiful mornings before work, filled with 45 minutes of yoga, breathwork, reading, mourning, meditations that aligned my chakras, slow sips of coffee, oil pulling, long walks, all in complete silence. It was truly stunning.
As soon as winter rolled around, it started to get harder to have these mornings. My boyfriend got a new work-from-home job and my mornings were no longer so quiet (Let’s just say Nick has a lot of energy in the mornings, triggering energy in our dog Kaya, and turning our home into a full-on party by 7:30 am) I also didn’t fancy getting up in the dark and doing my yoga in the darkness. It actually kind of creeped me out, no matter how many candles I lit. This is before we all knew about Andrew Huberman and waking up to sunshine, so I was super hard on myself as I let my morning routine go. Just a 10-minute yoga session and a 3-minute mediation felt like such a failure. And my mornings haven’t really been the same since.
Years later, I’m still clinging to and craving the morning routine of the summer of 2020, comparing any ritual or routine to a very different time that was almost three years ago, when I had almost no responsibilities, a house to myself, and we were in a global pandemic. It really isn’t fair, is it?
I think I’ve written about 15 newsletters where I’m writing about trying to return to that morning routine, and I swear this will be the last one for a while. But I’ve finally noticed that when it’s winter, I need more sleep. When I wake up when the sun comes up, I just feel better and more energized. The mornings forced at 6 leave me groggy all day, no matter how much sleep I got the night before. The mornings that start around 7 leave me energized and grounded.
The lesson learned here is to let go of the routines and rituals that are no longer serving you and listen to what your body needs now. Let’s be honest— clinging to that unrealistic, type-A routine is a way for me to like I am important, it’s not about connecting with my higher self anymore. I just want to feel in control again so I can feel safe.
So as for me, I’ll be rising whenever the sun is, judgment-free. My new alarm is set at 7 am, maybe 7:15, and my morning routine is no longer a part of my personality that I cling to in a desperate attempt to feel “good enough.” What if I decide to live with the seasons and revisit the 6 am wake-up call in the spring/summer and embrace a bit of hibernation in the winter?
I still challenge myself with discipline and structure. I’ve been hitting all my little fitness, health, and home goals in 2023, and now I have more energy to get them done.
So here’s the thing, you don’t need to wake up at 6 am to live a stunning, successful, meaningful, and sexy life.
xx Chloe