If you follow me on Instagram or know me IRL, you know that we lost our family dog last weekend. I was in New York with Nick and found out right after going through security at JFK. It was completely out of the blue. I won’t go into specifics but Ruby was only 6 years old, so health, and on an absurd diet of raw food that was so carefully dethawed and paid for by my parents.
When I moved out of my childhood home to live in sin with my boyfriend I would listen to Phil Collin’s “You’ll Be In My Heart” because my parents and I used to love Tarzan, but I wouldn’t even let myself digest the fact that I was leaving our dog, Ruby. Ruby was brought into our family a mere two months after our first dog, Roxi had died. Roxi had a classic dog death, she got old and rusty, and it was devastating, but we all got to slowly process and say goodbye.
We got Ruby and I freaked out. Here’s proof. I was so surprised my parents were able to get another dog after we lost our first. I was so excited. She healed us with her love in ways we didn’t know a dog could.
I can’t stop thinking of the moment in that video I am sobbing, holding this 2-pound puppy in my hand, and my sister says, “we were thinking of naming her Ruby!”
After spending days sobbing and wrapping my head around the fact that she was gone, my family had a little virtual memorial and I finally started to accept that the most loving, cuddly, little ray of sunshine was gone. She was our best friend. Always at the pool with us, waking us up, or greeting us at the nose. She was only 4 pounds but somehow felt like our most important family member.
I have now entered a new phase of grief: longing. Realizing that she won’t be there to lick my face til it’s raw when I go to my parents. That she won’t be laying by the pool with me and licking the pool water off my face. That she won’t be losing her mind when me and Nick’s dog, Kaya comes over, and faking her death when Kays started to approach her.
I just miss her so much. Maybe this a sign to cherish your loved ones— this is bringing up a lot of feelings from when I lost a dear friend this year. And maybe this is a sign to cherish your pet. Maybe it’s your sign to go adopt a dog or cat, or rabbit because I promise it’s the purest love you will ever receive.
I love you so much Ruby, thanks for everything.
Conner, if you’re reading this I really miss you too.
Roxi, I hope you’re taking care of everyone in heaven.
xx Chloe