When you grow older, evolve, learn, experience, or progress on a spiritual journey you often feel like you’re on the brink of something 24/7. And that often rules things in your favor. As you age you start to figure out how to structure your days and create boundaries and expectations in a way that’s more enjoyable to you. You find yourself re-evaluating what’s important and feeling more gratitude. When you’re learning you feel invigorated and empowered, most of the time. When you’re on a spiritual journey, awakening, midlife crisis, faith transition, etc. you often start to feel hopeful. And I’m exclusively speaking from experience here, but I have a constant feeling throughout the days as I collect data through experiencing life that I am only getting stronger. And by stronger, I mean..l better at being alive.
But at the same time, I feel so much heartache. And news alert, it isn’t because the world feels evil to me. I don’t think I’m doomed, and I don’t think the world is an evil place. I’m certain there’s never been a better time to be alive. I’ve never been more aware of my privilege, blessings, and sometimes even luck.
So where the hell is this pain coming from? Have you ever felt lonely while also knowing that you’re so loved and not alone? It’s obviously a clue that something deep inside is calling me, but usually, I know exactly what is. And this time, well I guess I haven’t sat in silence long enough for it to reveal itself to me.
But here’s the thing: I know it will. There’s a little lesson down the road and I’m either approaching it or in the middle of it. It’s okay and even beautiful if you feel wonderful and a little “lost” all at once.
I think I’ll even learn to embrace it ;)
Xx, Chloe