Okay, hi! Sending this on a Thursday instead of Monday because I am behind. Sue me!
I admittedly have been feeling some creative existential dread. Not a lack of creativity and not a fear of death per se…. let me explain. This isn’t an issue about social media and it’s not an issue that will make you worried. It should give you hope and maybe even a little chuckly.
so.
I have spent a lot of time on social media with 6 years of management under my belt. And I’m not against it. In fact, sometimes I think I’ve mastered the art of not being that addicted to it. I could go a week without checking TikTok if I didn’t have to get on for work. BUT, I’ve started to spend more time on my explore page, my for you page, and looking at random ass people with large followings.
And it started to feel like everyone was morphing into the same person. Like I can’t shop at Djerf Avenue anymore. Or like everyone wants to be famous so what’s the use in pursuing my own dream and business? It’s gonna get swallowed in the dust! Or should I say, the algorithm!
I started getting stricter with time spent on le apps, and I whipped out all of my abundance of literature and even extended my daily meditations. And it only helped a little, but it did kind of help. Hanging out with people helps because I can sense the uniqueness and originality in all of us and forget my worries. But that doesn’t cover my dread from 9-5 or in bed from 10-10:30.
I have also started to worry about taking up too much space in the world. If I am fulfilled in life it’s not fair if everyone else isn’t! I started to feel guilty and unworthy.
Which was unsettling. This is not me. I have really mastered the art of lovingly and encouragingly staying in my own lane. I thought I had put the cape away and retired as Super Chloe who has the audacity to think she needs to “save” people. I really thought I was at peace with trusting that everyone was working things out in their lives as they should and on their own journey which is none of my business (My core belief) I also think that if things are popular, it’s probably for good reason. Who cares if we all have the same pair of air force ones?
I wondered how to get out of this funk. I’ve been crying more than usual. Feeling lonely and left out of something I couldn’t even put words to. I remember my friend Conner and then I just feel plain ol’ sad. Then I think of how one of my sisters might move. Then I remember Kaya is going to die one day. Then I remember that we all will!
I clearly need a good therapy session but on the bright side: I am out of this “funk”, or should I say, I’ve figured out what these feelings of discomfort are trying to teach me. I’ve figured out that they’re helping me grow to make room for something better.
So I’m here to share with you what I did.
I believe it was podcaster Ed Mylett who said that keeping promises to yourself is the way to build self-esteem. I equate that to doing hard things or proving yourself wrong. However, you want to phrase it! Stepping out of your comfort zone, etc. I was feeling guilty and unworthy, so I figured I was due for doing some hard things (that’s what she said heh heh)
So I did the following: I woke up and went on a long walk and listened to my best playlist. Immediate joy. I used to walk at least 3 miles during the pandemic and find myself slipping on the weekdays now. When I got back I laughed because it already felt like I had cured everything. But could I sustain it?
Next, I whipped out my various skin tools: nu face gua sha, red light mask, ice roll, and felt like a fresh faces french woman, confident to move forward in her day. So far, so good. I sat down and wrote down everything I was grateful for (I skipped my usual morning routine for the walk) and then I meditated/prayed to whoever that I would be able to focus, not absorb too much of the internet, and prove myself wrong today.
And then I solved a problem with software (okay, smartie!) that I didn’t think I could. It turned out really well. It gave me enough energy to remember a couple of things I had to do that I didn’t think I would get to until the end of the week. I felt capable again. I suddenly thought of so many cool and unique things I could do with my business. I wasn’t triggered by the thought of anyone else’s social media presence.
I went to the store and bought KALE. Go little rockstar!!
I was back in my own lane and right on track. Because here’s the thing; your overwhelm is telling you something. Tackle the task you’re putting off. Pay your taxes already. CLEAN YOUR ROOM and take a long ass walk. Put your phone down or whatever. Mute anyone that’s boring. Prank. call. your. crush.
All is well, my friends, all is well.
Here’s your song recc from Nick!
cover photo by @maledimiele